Pain beyond pain

This weekend started things in motion. I started spotting. Beyond everyone telling me that it didnt mean anything, I knew in my heart that it did. Sunday I was feeling better and had stopped and actually thought maybe they are right. Or at least I tried to convice myself of this. Yesterday I started spotting and cramping again and we rushed down to the Hospital. I passed numerous clots that I knew was my pregnancy. After waiting for hours and going through more blood tests and ultrasounds, I was told what I already knew my baby was gone. I dont think I have ever felt that kind of pain. Physically it hurt I couldnt hardly walk I was hurting so much which only compounded the emotional pain. I would never wish this on anyone. I feel as though someone has ripped my guts out. Even vicodin doesnt take away the reality. I feel like a failure. I feel like I failed Adam. I feel so guilty for bringing this pain on my family. It was the worst telling my little Kaylee she was so excited. Its a feeling that your body betrayed you. I asked why me so many times. Then I was angry.... I only slept about 2 hours last night. I know life will go on and things will get better but for now Im just praying for healing and peace